An Affair to Remember
Any one seen the movie An Affair to Remember? I am sure millions of you (as if I have that many readers) have seen it. I am sure further that a good half of that number would list it in a top 25 romantic movie list. And for those that have not there would be an equal number would recall the references and clips of the movie in the more modern movie Sleepless in Seattle. Well, I am going to say that I just really do not like the movie and what is all about, which is really saying something as Cary Grant is one of my favorite actors from the time period it was produced. If you have not seen it, warning for spoiler information ahead…
A quick run down of the movie is this. A man and woman, both otherwise involved and even engaged met on a cruise ship (or perhaps it was a cross Atlantic voyage). During the cruise, the have an affair and end up clearly in love with another. At the end of the voyage, before disembarking and returning to their respective partners they agree if things are worked out otherwise to met on the observation deck of the Empire State Building at a selected date in the future. As they end things with respective partners and the date approaches though, she is distracted and is hit by traffic and left less the completely mobile. Then out of pride or vanity, she stands him up. Later, though, in is distraught state he eventually finds her and they are still in love and blah, blah, blah…
I am sure some are wondering though what my problem is with this movie? After all they fall in love. And even with the hardships they find a way to met back up and make things work out just fine, right? There is even a big acceptance on the one’s part given the other is not quiet the same as when they originally met.
Well my problem can be found in the title, the whole nature that the relationship starts as an affair is what makes it wrong. So I am sure this makes me incredibly outdated and old fashioned in more then a few circles, but one should not start having relationships of that nature with someone else if you are committed previously. End the previous commitment before you start something else. Now, I am not so naive to think that some people do not have more open relationships today, and if that is you thing, so long as both partners know and are in agreement, well, that is a different story. But if you are sneaking around and not letting your partner of commitment know about things, well then you are being slimy and less then honorable.
And yeah, I fully understand they were not married at that point. It doesn’t change the fact that they were both in committed relationships. Matter of fact, if I recall they were actually engaged. And do not get me wrong, I understand that people change and I certainly know a lot of people settle for something and the right one comes along. But lets face it, if it is truly right and such, then waiting long enough to end a relationship with a previous commitment is not so long that it will kill the new interest – and if it does, well it did not have the staying power needed anyway. Okay, enough of that rant.
By the way, if you are wondering what got me started on that one – well, I was kind of sleepless early this morning after having gone to bed early with a headache last night. And I watched in its full length Must Love Dogs, another movie with a classic romance (though tragic romance in this case) running as a focal point for the main characters. The movie being Doctor Zhivago, a very long epic set in Russia before and during the World War I, The Revolution, and the Bolshevic Wars. That is one of my all time favorites, despite my not having remembered to have put it on a list, but I was thinking about it lats night – Yuri was married when he met Lara. And later she was married. There is some question about when they actually let their love consume them as to wither either is really in a relationship with their partners. I am going to have to go back and read the book again and see how it was written (by Boris Pasternak and very good by the way). By the way, caught a run of this at the Kentucky several years ago, that was an awesome experience. Anyway, maybe I have to hold one of my favorites to the same standard?
** – image from the movie production materials of “An Affair to Remember“
December 13th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
First, she stands him up because she is stuck by the car on the way to the Empire State Building. Being hospitalized puts a kink into your appointment schedule.
That being said…you can blame the medieval troubadours. Courtly love was between people who were not married to each other. The romance genre is derived from the literature of the Chivalric period.
Finally, it is a fantasy. The Romantic gets its power from the forbidden and it always ends before we can see the conclusion. The only exception I can recall is “The Notebook.”
December 13th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Okay, so I messed it up a bit. But there was a chance for meeting beyond that where she specifically skips out, right? That being aside, I agree about the romance and find myself drawn to romance just as you describe and beyond that. This however never examines the hurt that is caused to others and in this case there is the sin and all the hurt for the others almost from the very beginning, but in the “fantasy” that is this movie they are all happy and even encouraging of the relationship – that was more the point I was trying to make and seem to have missed in there somewhere.
December 13th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Well, I see what you’re getting at, and in general, I agree with you. But I have to disagree in regards to this particular movie. Now, granted, I’m a bit naive when I watch romantic comedies. Unless they fade out as the main characters are kissing in a bedroom, or they show them actually having sex, I assume they have abstained. And I don’t remember there ever being a hint of that in this movie. Like I said though, maybe I overlooked it.
But if they were never intimate, I don’t see that they did anything wrong. You can’t choose when you will fall in love. Not to mention, being trapped on a boat makes it difficult to avoid someone.
Oh, and I don’t think she ever intentionally skips out on any meetings with him. She just won’t contact him to tell him why she didn’t show up. But then, their agreement was that they would be there if they could. Ah, romance…
December 14th, 2009 at 11:27 am
I happen to agree with you completely. Yes, as smbush said, you can’t choose when you will fall in love. However, I don’t think that Hollywood should be romanticizing what is essentially cheating and making it seem like it’s perfectly acceptable behavior. I also disagree that they didn’t do anything wrong simply because they were not intimate. Yes, sex is one big red flag of cheating but emotionally cheating is just as bad if not worse.
I very strongly agree that if you do happen to find yourself interested in someone else then you need to take the time to end your current relationship before pursuing things any further and moving on to the next one. It is not fair to the person you are currently with if you are in love with someone behind their back, regardless of whether or not you’re being intimate with that person. Too many people don’t stop to think of the pain and heartache they cause their current partner by cheating on them. To me, it’s not “all right” just because the forbidden couple in question ends up happily together in the end. Cheating is cheating and should not be put up on a pedestal as a paragon of what is romantic.
We’re definitely on the same page on this front!