I suck (or can I get a do-over?)
So - I have about 100 notes of some sort of another from current events, inward reflective thoughts, or just how much I missing being on the road with friends heading out a joust. However, I have had an extremely unproductive blogging month and half. It would be easy to blame it all on my hectic work schedule, which has had me at the office way to many times past 11:00p.m. (even 1:00 & 2:00a.m. a couple of times), not to mention several days over the weekends of late. I could also combine trying to get in what time I can with and doing things for the horses and just generally trying to have a life (which I have not had the last month plus excepting one weekend). To clarify - time spent with the horses is LIVING!
However, the bottom line is that I have had time over the past 1.5 months to have at least “scribbled” out a rough draft of some blog here and there. After all, I type fast and have a wonderful brain that gets me going with a thought process very quickly. Matter of fact, the clock has only ticked off about five minutes since I started this blog. And here is the thing, I can either publish or wait and come back in another spare moment and fix the roughness before I publish. So - I really have no excuses.
However, I am want to make an excuse anyway. I think the biggest excuse to be honest is I have been in a mood of a LOT of self reflection. I don’t know, I thought I had my path figured out for while. Have actually thought I had that figured out a couple of times in my life. Should know better by now with the 30+ years of experience that if I am thinking I have things figured out - I probably don’t. So, a lot of this self reflection has not lead to writers block, but rather what do I want to say in the time I have to write. It has also lead to the realization that life is not perfect and <GASP> neither am I.
To say there are things I would change in the last month or two is an understandment, take that back another six and the same is true. Keep on going, 10, maybe eleven years and a Canadian - yes more changes and a do over. Fourteen to sixteen years - probably, though what would I have done different? Twenty years, yeah I was screwing up things then too. Do I have a regrets? Well, yeah there is one in there to be sure - but mostly it is life. One thing I have learned is we all mess up. We all make mistakes. Unfortunately in this thing called life we don’t get the do-over card or the re-roll of the dice - we are playing for high stakes and it is for keeps, right or wrong.
So, as I sit here still at the freaking office doing high tech work at this late hour of the eve and think about how much money I have turned down and even threw back to stay low key and even get out of the rat race - I realize I am still in it. And everytime I get close to being where I think I want to be I do something dumb like say - yeah, I will take that on and end up deeper and deeper in the mire that I really want to escape.
So - if you are one of the people that I have pissed off, dissapointed, or otherwise offended, my humble apologies. Beyond that, I have a more single minded focus toward my goals now then I have had in a long time and there will be more to come soon in that regard. And since I am always seeming to call Chuck out - may he come kick my butt like I stole his mountain dew if I don’t get a few more posts in this week.
